Tuesday nights this semester we have explored the movement of the church in Acts. In Acts 2 Peter preaches a bold message to a crowd of people who may or may not have been present at the crucifixion, that they killed the Messiah. They killed God’s savior; the one for whom they all had waited. Here is their response:
Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:37-38
The message doesn’t change throughout the book of Acts, but the response does. In Acts 4 the messengers are arrested, in chapter 5 they are beaten, and then we have Acts 7. Stephen proclaims to his audience that they “betrayed and murdered” the Christ and this is their response:
Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. Acts 8:54
Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. Acts 8:58
You killed Jesus. This message proves consistent with scripture and yet how does that sit with you? I know I don’t like it. I don’t like reading aloud the words “crucify Him” on Good Friday. I know that in the sin of all humanity lies my autograph. In the nails in the wrist of Jesus exists the dirt of my wanderings from God’s will. Most of all, under the outpouring of the wrath of the Father sits the Savior of the world taking on the sins of Brycen Marner that I might take on His righteousness.
Often this image leads me to the “cut to the heart response.” Initially in grief and then in great relief I receive the reality of my part in the crucifixion. I experience the tremendous love of the Father that He would sacrifice the Son for me. I respond with “what shall I do?”
When do you realize your role in the crucifixion? How has it lead you to worship? When this reality hits you in the “cut to the heart way, how do you respond in that moment, day or week with your life?
Unfortunately, even as a believer, I still struggle with responding poorly to the reality of my role in the crucifixion. I may see my role, but when the Holy Spirit exposes another area of nonsurrender, rather than seek His mercy in Christ, I “grind my teeth” and fight the conviction. I try to excuse the area of struggle with the “but I deserve this,” “but if he hadn’t said,” “why does God let it be so hard” reasoning. In those moments as I have revealed that I have elevated something over God in my life, I get bitter that God would hold that standard. I despair at my own brokenness but without hope. I know longer view myself as one highly loved by the Father, but like worthless trash. This usually cycles me back in to retreat from significant connection with God. Like the listeners to Stephen, I do what I can to stifle the message of the Gospel from penetrating my heart.
When is it harder for you to receive the message of your role in the crucifixion? What sins do you struggle with that lead you to more despair? What sins make you retreat from the Word and prayer? What categories of struggle are you unwilling to even ask God if your heart is struggling with sin in?
Today pray that God would lead you to see your role in the cross that you might better grasp its beauty. Pray when conviction hits that it would lead to worship and a sense of God’s love. Pray the Lord softens your heart in areas of struggle that make you bitter or despair.
Ask God how He would have you live out this truth today.
– Brycen Marner
It blessed my heart so much the way that all 3 of you live transparent before the Lord and us. I too have had many times to see my own sins and am humbled and broken by their ugliness and that sin of self as the root. But thanks be to God that it nails me and my heart to the cross where I can grow and learn to Love Him more. 💞💞